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GUN VIOLENCE

(Ex POW) Major Mark Smith

I'm very concerned about 'gun violence', 'knife

violence' and most certainly 'baseball bat violence.'

I want all of these terrible things regulated and

eventually banned. By God it is time to take our

streets and schools back. I'm very worried about

'steak knife violence' but SIZZLERS is running a

massive cover-up on that. You get a big name lobby

group like that behind it and soon it will spread to

schools and our kids will be rump roast in first

grade.

Few recall the famous baseball bat incident when

Juan Marichal took his bat to Dodger catcher John

Roseboro's head. Sixty thousand Dodger fans missed the

point and booed poor Juan.

IT WAS THE BAT THAT DID IT!

Without that bat no injury. Think about that skater who had hirelings of that other really ugly skater whack her pretty knee and knock her out of

competition. Weapon of choice I believe was a bat

again. Even if it wasn't it could have been. Darn it,

outlaw baseball bats and save our Olympic Skating

Team.

Cars? Don't even go there! If ever there was a

case about 'safety locks' saving lives- NOT! It is

cars. You cannot leave it up to parents to lock CARS

and besides, CARS KILL! BAN THEM TODAY! There is no

right enshrined in the constitution to have privately

owned cars. This is not abortion, these are CARS. They

are a killer. If I had my way you would have to prove

you were a true humanitarian, like Ted Kennedy, to

even own a car. Own? Heck, rent a car! Every rental

car company should have the owner castrated with a

SIZZLERS steak knife. I of course do not believe in

Capital Punishment, so castration will have to do.

I met with Nancy Pelosi and she is with us across

the board. She made some really good points and made a

joke in Arabic. Something about killing a Rabbi with a SIZZLERS steak

knife. The President of Syria was with her on the insane love affair

Americans have with all these implements of violence. He pointed out

something that neither Nancy or I ever thought of; Are you sure

that steak knife was used on steak by the previous

customer? It could have been PORK! This was the

breakthrough Nancy was talking about on finding common

ground between Syria and Israel: STEAK KNIVES AND

SIZZLERS! Man I'm happy the Left is bringing some

common sense back to the HOUSE and SENATE.

After that Korean, non-citizen, murdered all

those poor students; we had a really exciting workshop

on KIMCHI. Do you know that they are serving KIMCHI at

most SIZZLER salad bars now? Just before those horrid

Veteran Bikers called all the patriots from

A.N.S.W.E.R. filthy names at the protest march, guess

what I saw? There they were in SIZZLERS, eating

KIMCHEE and talking BASEBALL! Talking it up will

someday lead to a bat in someone's hands.

I have written this in honor of my fellow

Vietnam Veterans John Kerry and Al Gore who together

almost completed a full tour in Vietnam. John gave me

some real insight into that whole POW/SWIFT BOAT

thing. Do you know those thugs were all seen at

SIZZLERS just before going after poor John? Be careful

out there because Paul Galanti and Colonel Day are

suspected of consuming KIMCHI and they could go off at

any moment. Along with guns, bats, steak knives and

KIMCHI John wants to ban EX-POWS. In the words of

Congressman Murtha, 'It all makes sense.' Now there is

a politician who should go no further at SIZZLERS than

the salad bar. Did you see the size of that ugly tuna?

Pray he does not eat the KIMCHI.  

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