Jefferson Review

"Your Liberty is Our Interest"

Home /  Archives / Links / Quotes / Book Reviews / Advertise /Contact us / Subscribe / Calendar

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for

company.  One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and

asked, "Father, me dog is dead.  Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor

creature?"

    Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an

animal in the church.  But there are some Baptists down the lane, and

there's no tellin' what they believe.  Maybe they'll do something for the

creature."

    Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father.  Do ya' think $5,000 is enough

to donate to them for the service?"

    Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus!  Why didn't ya

tell me the dog was Catholic?"

                                        ************

DONATION:

    Father O'Malley answers the phone.

    "Hello, is this Father O'Malley?"

    "It is."

    "This is the IRS.  Can you help us?"

    "I'll try."

    "Do you know a Ted Houlihan?"

    "I do."

    "Is he a member of your congregation?"

    "He is."

    "Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

    "He will."

                                        ************

CONFESSION:

    An elderly man walks into a confessional.  The following conversation

ensues: "I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many

children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.  Yesterday, I picked up

two college girls, hitchhiking.  We went to a motel, where I had sex with

each of them three times."

    Priest: "Are you sorry for your sins?"

    Man: "What sins?"

    Priest: "What kind of a Catholic are you?"

    Man: "I'm Jewish."

    Priest: "Why are you telling me all this?"

    Man: "I'm telling everybody."

                                        ************

SENILITY:

    An elderly man went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting

senile.  Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up."

    "That's not senility," replied the doctor.  "Senility is when you forget

to zip down."

                                        ************

PEST CONTROL:

    A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a

pest-control company.  One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom

together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

    "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" and she pushed

him in the closet, stark naked.

    The husband, however, became suspicious and, after a search of the

bedroom, discovered the man in the closet.

    "Who are you?" he asked him.

    "I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

    "What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

    "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man

replied.

    "Where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

    The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!"

Weather (Louisville) / Mapquest /  White Pages / Business Search / CNN / Dictionary / E-card / MSN