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Have you been
to any TA meetings lately?
It's been
a tough struggle.
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now
and then -- just to loosen up.
Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more
than just a social thinker.
I began to think alone- "to relax," I told myself-but I knew it
wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was
thinking all the time.
That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV
and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her
mother's.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment
don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself.
I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and
Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it
exactly we are doing here?"
One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it
hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't
stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."
This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my
conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confess, "I've been thinking..."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"
"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as
college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep
on thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in
tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the
emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the
door.
I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared
into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass
doors... They didn't open. The library was closed.
To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me
that night.
Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a Poster
caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked.
You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard
Thinkers Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering
thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a
non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's."
Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the
last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life
just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.
I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.
Today I made the final step; I engaged a friend in an animated defense of George
Bush.
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