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A G I N G
>
>
> I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
> doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I
> decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted,
gyrated,
> jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got
my
> leotards on, the class was over.
>
> --- Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you
think
> is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply
> replied, "No peer pressure."
>
> --- The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
> eggs .
>
> --- Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very
> elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she
replied.
> "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She
> responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
>
> --- I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
> replacement, new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half
> blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40
different
> medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have
> bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and
> feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my
friends.
> But, thank God, I still have my driver's license
>
> --- An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher
> she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and
> second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart "Wal-Mart?" the
> preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters
> visit me twice a week ."
>
> ---My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as
> sharp as it used to be.
>
> --- Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
>
> ---I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my
body
> are just prone to swinging.
>
> ---It's scary when you start making the same noises as your
coffeemaker.
>
>
> ---These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
> relief."
>
> ---Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner
> child playing with matches.
>
> ---Don't let aging get you down It's too hard to get back up!
>
> --- Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow
old
> because you stop laughing.
>
> - --THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I
> never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the
> eyesight to tell the difference.
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