Jefferson Review

"Your Liberty is Our Interest"

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> Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an

> important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

> 

> Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a

> parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life

> and give up me Irish Whiskey".

> 

> Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

> 

> Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

> 

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> 

> Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man

> he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

> 

> The man said, "I do Father."

> 

> The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."

> 

> Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"

> 

> "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there

> against the wall," said the priest.

> 

> Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go

> to heaven?

> 

> O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father.

> 

> The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when

> you die you don't want to go to heaven?"

> 

> O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group

> together to go right now."

> 

> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

> 

> O'Toole worked in the lumber yard for twenty years and all that time

> he'd been stealing the wood and selling it. At last his conscience

> began to bother him and he went to confession to repent.

> 

> "Father, it's 15 years since my last confession, and I've been

> stealing wood from the lumber yard all those years," he told the priest.

> 

> "I understand my son," says the priest. "Can you make a Novena?"

> 

> O'Toole said, "Father, if you have the plans, I've got the lumber."

> 

> ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

> 

> Paddy was in New York. He was patiently waiting, and watching the

> traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of

> traffic and shouted, "Okay pedestrians". Then he'd allow the traffic

> to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

> 

> After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the tenth time, Paddy went

> over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics

> across?"

> 

> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

> 

> Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best

> friend Finney.

> 

> "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

> 

> "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

> 

> +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

> 

> An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for

> speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the

> priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the

> car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

> 

> "Just water," says the priest.

> 

> The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

> 

> The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it

> again!"

> 

> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

> 

> Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a

> stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."

> 

> Oh yeah?"said Charlie "And how did this one end?"

> 

> "When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and

> knees.

> 

> "Really," said Charles, "now that's a switch! What did she say?"

> 

> She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken"

>

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