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Customer:
I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work.
What am I doing wrong?
Tech support:
OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer:
Yeah....
Tech support:
And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer:
Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get
is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support:
Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!
===============
Tech support:
What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer:
A white one...
===============
Customer:
Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support:
Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer:
Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support:
That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer:
No ... wait a minute... I
hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....
===============
Tech support:
Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer:
Your left or my left?
===============
Tech support:
Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer:
Hello... I can't print.
Tech support:
Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer:
Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!
===============
Customer:
Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says
'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the
monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
===============
Customer:
I have problems printing in red...
Tech support:
Do you have a color printer?
Customer:
Aaaah...................thank you.
===============
Tech support:
What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer:
A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.
===============
Customer:
My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support:
Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer:
No. I can't get behind the computer
Tech support:
Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:
OK
Tech support:
Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer:
Yes
Tech support:
That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer:
Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work
===============
Tech support:
Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a
capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer:
Is that 7 in capital letters?
===============
Customer:
I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support:
Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer:
Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support:
Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer:
Five stars.
===============
Tech support:
What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer:
Netscape.
Tech support:
That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer:
Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============
Customer:
I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but
every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============
Tech support:
How may I help you?
Customer:
I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support:
OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer:
Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around
it?
===============
A
woman customer
called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support:
Are you running it under windows?
Customer:
"No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in
the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer
is working fine."
===============
And last but not least:....
Tech support:
"Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings
up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up
the Program Manager."
Customer:
I don't have a P
Tech support:
On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer:
What do you mean?
Tech support:
"P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer:
I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
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