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New Drugs For Women 

D A M N I T O L

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up

to 8 full hours.

ST.  M O M M A'S  W O R T

Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering

preschoolers unconscious for up to two days

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness

by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers

and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

P E P T O B I M B O

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups

swallowed before an evening out increases breast size,

decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

D U M B E R O L

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low

IQ, resulting in enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.

F L I P I T O R

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling

road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

M E N I C I L L I N

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance

to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better

person . Can we get naked now?"

B U Y A G R A

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases

potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree

J A C K A S S P I R I N

Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday,

anniversary or phone number.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T!

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone

too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in

elevators or on airplanes.

N A G A M E T

When administered to a husband, provides the same

irritation level as nagging him all weekend, saving the

wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

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