Jefferson Review

"Your Liberty is Our Interest"

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YEAR'S BEST [actual] HEADLINES OF 2004:



Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[no!  really?]


Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[now that's taking things a bit far]!



Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
[what a guy!]


Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]


Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[see if that works any better than a trial!]



War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]


If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly,
It May Last A While
[you think?]


Cold Wave Linked to 

Temperatures
[who would have thought!]


Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[they may be on to something!]


 

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning
Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]


New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[weren't they large enough?]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]


Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]


Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]


And the winner is....


Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

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