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Liberator Online: Will the Feds Bust Santa? (Special Holiday
Issue)
Special Holiday Issue:
Will the Feds Bust Santa Claus?…..Is Santa a Libertarian? (our annual holiday
poem)..... Extended: Our big 15% off holiday sale on ALL Advocates products.....
and more!
THE LIBERATOR ONLINE
December 22, 2004
Vol. 9, No. 21
Circulation: 68,184 subscribers in over 100 countries
Published by the Advocates for Self-Government
Edited by James W. Harris, mailto:james@TheAdvocates.org Created by Paul Schmidt
and James W. Harris ___________________________________________
"The Advocates is revolutionizing the libertarian movement. I encourage you to
be generous in your support."
-- David Bergland, 1984 Libertarian Party presidential candidate and author of
Libertarianism in One Lesson.
___________________________________________
PRESIDENT’S CORNER
Dear friends,
Happy Holidays!
First, my deepest thanks to all of you who responded so generously to my urgent
email request of a few days ago.
Your may recall that we were hit with a real crisis when we discovered that our
End-of-Year letter -- which we depend upon for a major portion of our annual
funding -- had simply vanished into a kind of postal black hole.
Liberator Online reader donations are really making a difference to us at a very
crucial time. Again, thank you!
We still fear that many people will not get their letter in time to make their
annual donations in this calendar year. So your help is truly important to us.
If you can help with an end-of-the-year online donation, it would be most
appreciated: https://securecommanders.com/advocates/donations.asp
As for that End-of-Year letter: we’ve put it online, and I hope you’ll read it
-- I think you’ll find it exciting and inspiring. 2004 was a great year for the
Advocates, and this letter points out some of the highlights: http://www.theadvocates.org/year-end-report-2004.html
I’m proud of what the Advocates accomplished in 2004, and with your help we’ll
go on to make 2005 the best year yet!
* * *
Welcome to 186 new Liberator Online subscribers this issue. Thanks for joining
our
subscription "family" of over 65,000 liberty-loving readers in over 100
countries!
To learn more about the Advocates and our work for liberty: http://www.theadvocates.org
To learn more about libertarianism:
http://www.Libertarianism.com
* * *
This holiday Liberator Online is much shorter than usual -- we know everyone’s
busy this time of year. I’ve included a special treat -- a Libertarian Party
press release that’s become something of a libertarian Christmas classic,
written by LP Press Secretary and Advocates friend and supporter George Getz.
I’m also including annual Christmas poem. (Read it if you dare -- beware of
colliding syllables and highly unlikely rhymes!)
We’ll be back with our regular features and writers -- including Mary Ruwart,
Michael Cloud, and James W. Harris -- early in January.
Once again, thank you for being a Liberator Online reader -- one of the very
important people who understand how vital it is to build a worldwide movement
dedicated to individual liberty, prosperity, and peace.
-- Sharon Harris, President mailto:sharon@TheAdvocates.org
PS: Last chance! We’ve extended our Holiday Special until the end of the year.
15% off EVERYTHING in our online catalog!
Great tools for liberty: books, tapes, videos, cds, T-shirts, Quiz cards, OPH
kits... EVERYTHING! It's our end-of-the-year gift to Liberator Online readers.
Add to your library of great libertarian books. Get video and audio tapes by
major libertarian thinkers and speakers -- like Michael Cloud, Mary Ruwart,
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The discount applies to ALL merchandise. (Not discounted: shipping, applicable
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You can browse the catalog and place your order from here:
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(PLEASE NOTE: The prices you'll see at our catalog are our *original* prices.
Before we charge your card, we will subtract the 15%.)
If you prefer to order by phone or mail, please use the contact information at
the end of this issue.
We guarantee your satisfaction with all Advocates products. Try them at no risk
-- if you're not completely satisfied, simply return for a full refund.
Offer good through December 31. Thank you! _____________________________________
-------------Special News Bulletin-------------
Will the Feds Bust Santa Claus?
When Santa Claus comes to town this week, he'd better watch out -- because the
federal government may be making a list of his crimes (and checking it twice),
the Libertarian Party warned today.
"Hark the federal agents sing, Santa is guilty of nearly everything," said
Libertarian Party press secretary George Getz. "The feds know when Santa's been
bad or good -- and he's been bad, for goodness sakes."
Does Santa belong in the slammer? Instead of stuffing stockings, should he be
making license plates?
Yes, said Getz, if he's held to the same standards as a typical American. For
example:
* Every December 25, the illegal immigrant known as Santa Claus crosses the
border into the United States without a passport. He carries concealed
contraband, which he sneaks into the country in order to avoid inspection by the
U.S. Customs Service. And just what's in all those brightly colored packages
tied up with ribbons, anyway? The Drug Czar and Homeland Security want to know.
* Look at how this international fugitive gets around: Santa flies in a
custom-built sleigh that hasn't been approved by the FAA. He never files a
flight plan. He has no pilot's license. In the dark of night, he rides the skies
with just a tiny bioluminescent red light to guide him -- a clear violation of
traffic safety regulations.
* Pulling Santa's sleigh: Eight tiny reindeer, a federally protected species
being put to hard labor. None of these reindeer have their required shots, and
Santa's never bothered to get these genetically-engineered animals registered
and licensed. It's no wonder: He keeps them penned outside his workplace in a
clear violation of zoning laws.
* But Crooked Claus the Conniving Capitalist harms more than just animals --
he's hurting hard-working American laborers, too. Isn't Santa's Workshop really
Santa's Sweatshop, where his non-union employees don't make minimum wage and get
no holiday pay? Add the fact that OSHA has never inspected the place, and you
have a Third-World elf-exploitation operation that only Kathy Lee Gifford could
love.
* No wonder Santa is able to maintain his monopoly over the toy distribution
industry: He's cornered the Christmas gift market. Santa dares to give away his
products for free in a sinister attempt to crush all competition -- just like
Microsoft's Internet Explorer. Antitrust Lawsuit Memo to the feds: Is Santa
Claus the Bill Gates of Christmas?
The bottom line, said Getz: "It might be tough sledding for Jolly St. Nick this
Christmas if the government decides to prosecute him.
"We're just surprised it hasn't already happened. After all, Santa Claus is
everything that politicians aren't: He's popular, reliable, and gives us
something for nothing every December 25th -- instead of taking our money every
April 15th."
(Source: Libertarian Party press release, written by George Getz)
_____________________________________
HOLIDAY POEM
"A Liberty Christmas..."
(from the Advocates)
Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the land
Libertarians dreamed of the ideals of
Rothbard, Hayek and Rand.
Enchanted by this glorious vision of liberty,
Many yearned for better ways to help their neighbors see
The great benefits that would come if they'd only embrace
A philosophy of freedom for all, whatever country or race.
At our home the stockings and decorations were up,
We'd left Santa some cookies and some milk in a cup.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds
While visions of Liberty danced in their heads.
I in my Advocates T-shirt, and Mom in her Self-Governor's Cap, Had just settled
down for a long winter's nap, When outside the window there arose such a clatter
That I leapt from my bed to see what was the matter!
There through the window I saw an amazing sight
That any other time of year would have given me a fright!
A sleigh pulled by reindeer flashing through the sky so quick, And led by no
less than -- Jolly Old St. Nick!
As he roared through the air, heading straight for my abode,
I saw the sled was groaning with a tremendous load
Of packages, treasures, treats and toys --
Gifts for all good men, women, girls and boys!
More rapid than a jet, right toward me they came!
And I heard Old St. Nick call each reindeer by name:
"Now Tolerance! Now Free Enterprise! Now Liberty!
Onward Peace, and Free Speech, and Prosperity!"
He kept calling their names in that manner, and 'twas thus
I realized with a start --"Hey, Santa's one of Us!"
I had always admired this very special man,
Who flew 'round the world without posting an FAA flight plan, Who crossed
national borders with impunity each year, And never registered his team with the
U.S. Department of Reindeer. Who laughed at licenses and permits and just made
his own route, And ran a safe, clean, happy workshop far from OSHA's obnoxious
snout. Who lived independent and government-free at the icy North Pole, Far away
from taxes, regulations and the dole.
So I tiptoed downstairs to peep into the den,
And try and steal a sight of that jolly old gentleman
Who had brought such joy to millions in so many lands.
Oh, to see him in action, alive, first-hand!
I heard the sleigh touch lightly down upon the roof,
Strange noises from my chimney came... then -- POOF!
There was Santa standing boldly beside our Christmas tree, Bigger than life in
red and white -- an awesome sight to see!
He took a bite of our cookies and said, "Hmmmm -- not bad!" Then wrote a quick
note of thanks to our youngest lad. Then he reached down into the bulging bag at
his side, And talked aloud as he brought out what was stuffed inside:
"Here's a new computer for Johnny, and it's all set
To take him to the Advocates’ Web page on the Internet!
While there he can also subscribe, for free,
To the Liberator Online, the Advocates' email bi-weekly!
"Sally wants to reach libertarians in her home town,
So I've brought her the best outreach tool around!
Operation Politically Homeless (OPH) will do the trick -- She'll find hundreds
of new libertarians!" chuckled jolly old St. Nick.
Then he pulled out a vast supply of pocket-sized cards
And I could guess what they were, without trying too hard. "Here's a few
thousand World’s Smallest Political Quizzes, too! That should last them for at
least a month or two!
"This family wants to communicate the ideas of freedom clearly, So here are two
fine tape sets which they will treasure dearly: The Communication Power Pack and
The Essence of Political Persuasion Will make them Master Communicators, no
matter what the occasion!"
From his bag he brought forth still more great surprises -- Libertarian T-shirts
in all different sizes, All festooned with neat slogans. Then there were books
galore -- By Harry Browne, Mary Ruwart, Michael Cloud and so many more!
By now our living room seemed filled to overflowing,
But still Santa kept on going and going.
He scattered audio tapes by the dozen in every empty spot. "There are so many
great Advocates tapes -- they'll like all these a lot!
He was bringing out still more goodies, but I could stand it no more So I
stepped out from hiding and stood by the door. He smiled at me and winked, and I
knew instantly He'd known I had been there throughout his gift-giving spree.
"I just wanted to thank you --" I began to say.
But he held up his hand and smiled in his jolly way.
"There's no need for thanks! It's a great pleasure to me
To give gifts to people who care so much about liberty!
"The Advocates has made it easy for me and my elves --
In fact, we hardly have any work to do ourselves!
For people who want to see our world freed,
The Advocates has just the products, tools, and services we need.
"If you want to thank me, the best thing you can do
Is to support the Advocates -- and put these great tools to work for you. Oh,
there's one thing more I want to leave. Here -- Keep this Advocates catalog
handy, so you can order through the year!"
I wanted to say more, but he put his finger to his nose,
Then -- POOF! Straight up through my chimney he rose!
I went to my window, and saw the sleigh rise into the sky,
And as they faded away, I heard Santa cry:
"On, Free Speech! On, Tolerance! On, Liberty!
Our world is yearning to be set free!
One day soon all will see freedom's bright shining light -- Merry Christmas to
all! And to all, a Good Night!"
HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM THE ADVOCATES!
(If you’d like to see this in formatted form -- including links to the products
Santa mentions -- click here:
http://www.theadvocates.org/year-end-report-2004.html
_____________________________________
See you early next year! You can contact the Advocates at:
Snail Mail:
Advocates for Self Government
213 S Erwin St
Cartersville, GA 30120-3513
Phone: 770-386-8372; for orders, 800-932-1776
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Email: mailto:info@TheAdvocates.org
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Thank you!
"May it be to the world... to assume the blessings and security of
self-government." -- Thomas Jefferson, 1821.
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