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TERRY’S TIDBITS

December 20, 2004

By Terry Gray

BEFORE I RANT.

          Merry Christmas to all, and it doesn’t matter to me what religion you are.  Christmas without Christ would just be mas - and meaningless.  So to all of you, Merry Christmas and a happy new year.

SIGN THAT “QUE?”

          In two separate news accounts, it has been brought to our attention that court interpreters for the hearing-impaired and non-English speaking persons are costing taxpayers a bundle.  There have also been various disputes associated with interpreters of both.  So, I call on the Kentucky Senate and House to make a new law as follows:

          “Effective immediately, would-be perpetrators of crimes in the State of Kentucky who are not fluent in English will cease and desist all unlawfulness until which time they have acquired a working command of the English language.  Further, hearing- impaired, would-be perpetrators of crime will only conduct illegal activities commensurate with the depth of their disability.  Should a hearing-impaired person suffer from a 100% hearing loss, it will now be illegal for him to take part in any unlawful activity.”

DUDE STUDY

          There is a war in Iraq and a war in Afghanistan.  We are losing our constitution.  Terrorists are beating down the door to America or so our leaders want us to believe.  We have a medical/prescription drug crisis.  We are killing each other in ever increasing numbers.  Fat people are under attack.  Smokers are under attack.  Scott Kiesling is studying the word “Dude.”

          He wants us to understand the many connotations of “Dude” because, well, he doesn’t have anything else to do.

          “Dude” is not just for surfers anymore.  Nor is it reserved for kids.  Middle-aged men are “Duding” each other at an alarming rate.  Women don’t dude much though I’ve heard a few “Dudettes.” 

          “Dude” can mean you and your companion are close but not gay.  That’s a relief, but I guess the use of “Dude” would have to be heard in context to make that distinction.  “Hand me my bra Dude” would certainly make one question Mr. Kiesling’s theory.

          “Dude” can be used as an exclamation of surprise, a greeting, an insult, or plain disgust.

          Mr. Kiesling is expanding his study.  He thinks he can find corresponding words in other languages, and the thought excites him.

          Mr. Kiesling explains, “Can you imagine finding a word related to ‘Dude’ in Mandarin Chinese?  At that point, the coinage of the word once associated with California beaches takes on much greater scope and depth.  Dude!”

ADULT CLUBS – AGAIN

          Councilman Doug Hawkins is wrong.  There is no question that government is involving itself where it shouldn’t be involved.  These are not Victorian times, and we’ve come too far to take that step backwards. “But for people like council member Doug Hawkins, who sponsored the ordinance, it's a step in the moral direction…”

I’ve known Doug for sometime now, and he’s an okay guy.  But he is a Republican and, as such, represents the conservative faction.  Most people just want to be left alone, and few get riled unless the government or the media stir up things.

          We have zoning laws that keep liquor stores and bars away from churches and schools.  We do the same to separate commercial and residential property.  I believe in zoning to a certain degree as I wouldn’t want an auto repair shop next to my house.  Nor would I want a government building next to my house.  The main difference between the two is that auto repair shops actually produce something.  The government of course is just a gaggle of blood sucking leeches.

          So why does the conservative government go to the extreme on adult clubs?  Because it involves our bedrooms in a way.  Look at the fear tactics that were used to amend our Kentucky constitution and the mixed signal that was sent when the fairness ordinance was extended.  The amendment is a clear case of the moral minority in charge, dictating the rules under which our average citizens live.  The extension of the fairness ordinance is a slap in the face to everyone.  Like a leaky bandage, it assures that businesses cannot practice personal preferences in their hiring, including gay employers.

          Would I want an adult club next to my house?  Not any more than I would want any commercial business next to my house.  But that is the function of zoning, not legislation based on morality.

          I can’t help but wonder how the council and Doug Hawkins would react to a new church going up next to an established adult club.

          Doug, you need to back off this issue, man.  Believe it or not, the majority is not on your side.

CHRONIC CANDY

Chronic Candy is marijuana flavored and the nannies don’t like it.  I suggest that they don’t eat it.

          Chronic Candy has been banned in New York for taste and I guess insinuation – it tastes like pot and comes in a package decorated with a marijuana leaf.  This has big implications, though most folks would just walk right past the story, whether they agree or disagree.  “I’m ignorant and apathetic and I like it.”

          Where do we draw the “banning” line?  If we can all get on the bandwagon, I want beets banned.  I find them disgusting.

          The candy touts the slogan, “Every lick is like taking a hit.”

           "To produce this kind of candy is sickening. This is targeted to children," said New York councilwoman Margarita Lopez, chairwoman of the Substance Abuse Committee.

          Ms. Lopez, few children are going to buy this candy unless you consider 16 year olds to be children.  Little kids that buy the candy aren’t going to make the “drug” connection.

          For the life of me, I can’t see what is sick about this.  Lady, the candy contains no marijuana, drugs, or other illegal substances.  What I see as sick is a “leader” being so stupid that she goes off the deep end over candy.

          I see liquor flavored candy all the time.  A candy that comes to mind that is legal and socially acceptable is bourbon balls – and they have real bourbon!  Kids eat them.   Have you seen Atomic Fireballs, the jawbreaker with a healthy kick of cinnamon?  I wonder what kind of signal that sends our kids.  There’s tequila flavored candy, brandy flavored candies, and even dirt flavored candies.  There’s daiquiri flavored ice cream and bourbon flavored ice cream.  There are vanilla flavored cigarettes and chocolate flavored cigarettes.  There’s even chocolate flavored beer.  And you Ms. Lopez are named after an alcoholic drink-Margarita.  How sick can that be?  Care for a worm with that tequila?

BAH!  MERRY CHRISTMAS.

          I can’t say that I blame the folks off Beulah Church Road for being upset at not being able to get out of their driveways.  I can’t blame them for being upset that they have to wait in line in the caravan in order to get home.  I also can’t blame the owner of the property for building such a fantastic display on Christmas in memory of Jesus Christ.

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