Jefferson Review

"Your Liberty is Our Interest"

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The division of the human family into its two distinct branches

occurred some 10,000 years ago, a few hundred years after the flood. 

Humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic

hunter/gatherers.  In the pivotal event of societal evolution, beer

was invented.  This epochal innovation was both the foundation of

modern civilization and the occasion of the great bifurcation of

humanity into its two distinct subgroups:

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> Liberals and Conservatives

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Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the

beginning of agriculture.  Neither the glass bottle or aluminum can

had yet been invented, so it was necessary to stick pretty close to

the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

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Some men spent their days killing animals to barbeque at night while

they were drinking beer.  This was the beginning of the conservative

movement.

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Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned how to

live off conservatives by showing up for the BBQs every night and

doing women's work like sewing, fetching and hair dressing.  This was

the beginning of the liberal movement.  Later, some of the liberals actually became women.

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Liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, invention of

group therapy and democratic voting to see how to divide the beer and

meat that the conservatives provided.  Women were not interested in

democracy at that time because most of them were still women back then, and the conservatives fed them.

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> Conservatives are symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth.  Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

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> Modern Liberals like imported beer (they add lime), but most prefer

white wine or foreign water in a bottle.  They eat raw fish but like

their beef well done.  Sushi, tofu, and french food are on liberal

menus.  Their women have more testosterone than the men.  Liberals like deviant sex and want others to like it too.  Their first successful city governments were Sodom and Gomorrah.

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> Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, and group therapists are Liberals.  Liberals invented the designated hitter rule in baseball because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

> Conservatives drink domestic beer.  They eat red meat, and still

> provide for their women.  Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumber jack, construction workers, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government.  Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

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> Liberals do not produce anything.  They like to "govern" the producers and decide what is to be done with the production.  Liberals believe  Europeans are more enlightened than Americans.  That is why most of  the liberals just stayed in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.

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> Conservatives have principles, believe in a Creator, and the rule of

law. They practice charity and give to the poor, normally through

their churches.

> When in doubt on an issue, they check both the Bible and the

Constitution, which they use as a constant reference in a changing

world.  They believe in the concept of truth.

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Liberals do not have principles, except for their dedication to

stealing production of conservatives and undermining principled

references such as the Bible and Constitution.  They are never in

doubt on an issue because they always do whatever is best for them

without regard to others.

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They have no standard of reference.  Liberals do not give to charity.

They cultivate the poor like a cat cultivates a field of mice.  They use the poor as voters and give them a portion of stolen tax money which they vote away from conservatives.

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> Conservatives believe in self defense, both at home and abroad.  They

own guns and use them to discourage liberals and other common criminals.

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> They provide guns to the armed forces to discourage foreign liberals

and other foreign criminals.

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Liberals do not believe in conservative self defense.  They disarm

conservatives, and then attack them with impunity by liberal armies

with guns.  King George, Hitler and Stalin were all liberals who

abandoned the rule of Law, had no principles except their own self

indulgence, and attempted to tax and govern conservatives.  Liberals

believe in BIG government.  They think the United Nations is the

ultimate answer.

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Conservatives believe in the rule of law and when sitting on juries,

convict common criminals and acquit fellow conservatives who have been charged by liberals.  When serving in the armed forces, they shoot liberals  from other countries who want to govern our country.  Conservatives know the difference between a common-sense law and a bone-headed statute passed by some liberal from Massachusetts.  When sitting on juries, they do not enforce bone-headed statutes, and don't explain their reasons.

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> Liberals only believe in whatever laws are appealing to them, such as

the privilege of making a living by taxing conservatives.  When

sitting on juries, liberals convict producers and acquit liberals and

other common criminals.  Modern Judges are all liberals as they do not

produce anything except chaos, and are paid with confiscated tax

money.

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They consider it against the law to reference any source of law such

As the Bible or Constitution.  Like other liberals, they just make it up as they go and do what is best for them.  Judge Roy Bean is their model.

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> The American cowboy, of course, is your basic, full-bore Conservative.

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> A  hundred years ago, an Englishman visiting Texas was attempting to

find the owner of a huge cattle ranch.  He rode up to one of the ranch

hands, and inquired, "Pardon me, but could you perhaps tell me where I might locate your master?" To which the cowboy replied, "That sumbitch ain't been born yet".

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> So, what'll it be?  Wine or Beer?  Domestic or Imported?

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