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Visitor's Guide
to Louisville
1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Loo-vull"
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Louisville has its own
version of traffic rules....the truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a
4-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. (Note:Blue haired
ladies driving anything have right of way anytime.)
3. To find anything in Louisville it is required that you know were the "Old
Sears Building" is... which is the Alpha and Omega. The beginning and the end.
4. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour is from
3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out
and possibly shot.
6. You must know that "Jefferson Freeway", "Gene Snyder Freeway", "I -> 265",
and "State Road 841" are the same road.
7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Louisville. The barrels are moved
around in the middle of the night to make the next days driving a bit more
exciting.
8. Watch very carefully for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels,
cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, opposum, truck
tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, and crows or vultures feeding on any of
these items.
9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated".
10. The minimum acceptable speed on the "Gene Snyder Freeway (see above) is 85
mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Kentucky's version of
NASCAR.
11. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.
12. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone ... you are
considered a road hazard, and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.
14. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
15. If it's 10 degrees and sleeting/snowing, the Kentucky Derby
Festival is going on.
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