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Cow It Is
THE "TWO-COW" EXPLANATION OF WHAT MAKES...
A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your
neighbor.
A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your
neighbor.
AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?
AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty
for being
successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell
one to raise money to
pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and
give it to your
neighbor. You feel righteous.
A COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with
milk.
A FASCIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk.
You join the
underground and start a campaign of sabotage.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the
point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a
gift from your
government.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and
build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them both,
shoots one, milks
the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of
four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.
A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three
cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow
cartoon images called
Cowkimon and market them world-wide.
A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for
100 years, eat once a
month, and milk themselves.
A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the
shepherd's pie, please.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five
cows. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have
12 cows. You stop
counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.
A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge
others for storing
them.
A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an
American
corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares
bankruptcy.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You
claim full
employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on
them.
AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk
factory, an ice
cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard
to become doctors.
So, who needs people?
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