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Male jokes

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt.

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

   ______________________

"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

   _______________________

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and watch tv.

   _______________________

He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror

______________________

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

   _______________________

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding  anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been such a devoted couple she would grant each of them a  very special wish.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

   __________________

AND THE BEST ONE YET...

A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST:

* She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

* Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

* Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

* Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

* And her husband is on the back of the milk carton

   ---------------------------------------------------

   A PRAYER....

   Dear Lord,

   I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;

   Love to forgive him;

   And Patience for his moods.

   Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength,

   I'll beat him to death.

   AMEN

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