|
Darwin Awards
A GOOD WAY TO START THE DAY
The Winner!
When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a
holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something
that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger
again. This time it worked.....
And now, the Honorable Mentions:
******************************
The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and,
after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The
company, suspecting negligence, sent out one of its men to have a look for
himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
******************************
A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.
******************************
After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that
the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to
Bulaweyo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to
a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the
patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception
wasn't discovered for 3 days.
******************************
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked
for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and
asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The
man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter.
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15.
(If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime
committed?)
******************************
A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun.
Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS
A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The
security guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved
his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and
fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In
memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the
words, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
******************************
Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just
throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So
he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas The whole event was
caught on videotape.
******************************
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse
and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a
detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the
snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was
then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he
replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
******************************
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in
Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a
food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't
available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
******************************
Kentucky: Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain
from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the
front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck.
Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the
machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's
license plate still attached to the bumper. They were quickly arrested.
******************************
and A 5-STAR DARWIN AWARD WINNER!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle
street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to
find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A
police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and
plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner
of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd
ever had.
|
