Jefferson Review

"Your Liberty is Our Interest"

Home /  Archives / Search / Links / Quotes / Book Reviews / Advertise /Contact us / Subscribe / Calendar

TERRY’S TIDBITS

By Terry Gray

TRUCKERS

So a new regulation makes truckers take 10 hours off after driving for 11 hours.  This is supposed to save 65 lives a year.

When a trucker loses 10 hours of drive time, you can be sure that he is going to make up for it somehow; likely by speeding.  Let’s see how quickly 65 lives saved is offset by hundreds of deaths due to speeding and anger.

FAT

It has just occurred to me that the government wants us fat.  Not until people really get hungry will there be the riots that we need to bring our political bureaucrats to their knees.

NEW DRUGS

At 10:00 pm EST last week in Omaha, Tommy Smith began using over-the-counter cold medicines to get high.  As of 10:02, kids all over the country were doing it.  Everybody is to blame but the parents.

It seems that Tommy couldn’t get any pot, so he chugged a bottle of one of those good-for-everything syrups.  I wonder what will happen when we need an ID for those, too.

The government can’t understand how this one happened to slip past them.  Don’t these idiots know that no amount of regulation will stop people, regardless of age, from getting high?  We begin medicating kids before they can walk.  No wonder we are sick.

You know if you really want to stop this stuff, then punish for it.  For the first offense cane the kid in public.  On the second offense, cane the kid and his parents.  There would be a sudden decline in this behavior, and maybe Tommy would straighten his act out.  Mr. and Mrs. Smith would learn a good lesson, too.

MAD COW

Our president wants us to know that he eats beef.  I feel safer now.  I wish they’d share their source.  You know that nobody in the White House runs to Kroger everyday.

I’m not worried about mad cow disease in my meat.  I’m already mad.  I’m more worried about Tommy’s pot supply.  What is this country coming to when one’s relatively safe drug is the target for every law enforcement agent in the country, and one has to turn to legal drugs that can kill?

THE WEATHER

Last week the meteorologist told me that it was 48 degrees, but with the wind-chill it felt like 46.  Burrrrrrrr!  Hey weatherman, why bother telling me that?

They tell me that they aren’t sure what tomorrow’s weather will bring – right before they give me a two week extended forecast.

I say that there is a secret weatherman society, and they have secret handshakes and everything.

PODUNK TERROR

Podunk USA is under a terror alert.  Down at the diner, they think Homeland Security is a barnyard full of dogs and a 30-30 under the bed.  Not being subjected to everyday propaganda, they are likely wiser than the rest of us. 

I think that, should Podunk fall victim to terrorism, they’ll shoot their way out of it and ask question later.  Fred’s hardware store didn’t have a run on duct tape and plastic.

IN SUMMARY

As the pot field is plowed and burned, the makers of Robitussin gleefully rub their hands together and stock the shelves.  Untainted meat from Brazil is flown in to the White House; American truckers are too slow.  Down in Podunk, the residents shiver as the wind gusts bring the temperature down 2 degrees.  The government smiles as reports of weight gain make headlines.  Welcome to 2004.

Weather (Louisville) / Mapquest / Search / White Pages / Business Search / CNN / Dictionary / E-card / MSN