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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his
congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have
enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's
still out there in your pockets."
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While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The
owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to
the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign.. "Energy efficient
vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."
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People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of
attention.
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"Somebody has well said there are only two kinds of people in the world.
There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord,"
and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "GoodLord, it's
morning."
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A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he
was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter.
Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the
block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us
our trespasses."
When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this
note. "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket,
I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation."
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A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what
the Bible means!" His father smiled and replied, "What do you mean, you
'know' what the Bible means?" The son replied, "I do know!" "Okay, said his
father. "So, son, what does the Bible mean?" "That's easy, Daddy. It stands
for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"
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There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her
brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in
here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the
lady.
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The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the
worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they
were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed
to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought
in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a
copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of
something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During
the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in
great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we
need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up."
At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner."
And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
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