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stress management techniques
In case you've had a rough day, here's the stress management technique
recommended in all the latest psychological texts. the funny thing is that it
really works.......
1. picture yourself near a stream.
2. birds are softly chirping in the cool mountain air.
3.no one but you knows your secret place
4. you are in total seclusion from the hectic world
5. the soothing sound of a gentle waterfall fills the air with a cascade
of serenity.
6. the water is crystal clear
7. you can easily make out the face of the person you're holding
underwater.
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Military Instructions
Aim towards the Enemy." -Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." -U.S. Marine
Corps
"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are
guaranteed to always hit the ground." -U.S.A.F.Ammo Troop
"If the enemy is in range, so are you." -Infantry Journal
"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least
expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your
outfit." -Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
"It is generally not advisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed." -U.S. Air Force Manual
"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." -Infantry Journal
"Tracers work both ways." -U.S. Army Ordnance
"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." -Infantry Journal
"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." --David
Hackworth
"If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush."
-Infantry Journal
"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." -Joe Gay
"Any ship can be a minesweeper... once." -Anon
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." -Unknown Marine
Recruit
"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." -Your Buddies
"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
-U.S.A.F.
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A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the
local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased
husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is
50 cents a word.
She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob
died.'" Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am,
there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries."
Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds
says..."In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1938 Pickup for sale.'"
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The Ten Commandments in Cajun... (Keeps it REAL Simple)
1. God is number one... and das' All.
2. Don't pray to nuttin' or nobody... jus' God.
3. Don't cuss nobody... 'specially da Good Lord.
4. When it be Sunday... pass yo'self by God's House.
5. Yo mama an' yo daddy dun did it all... lissen to dem.
6. Killin' duck an' fish, das' OK... people - No!
7. God done give you a wife... sleep wit' jus' her.
8. Don't take nobody's boat... or nuttin' else.
9. Don't go wantin' somebody's stuff.
10. Stop lyin'... yo tongue gonna fall out yo mouf!
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