|
Chapter 1: GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER
1. Sag, You're it.
2. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. Kick the bucket.
5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.
6. Doc Goose.
7. Simon says something incoherent.
8. Hide and go pee.
9. Spin the Bottle of Mylanta
10. Musical recliners.
Chapter 2: SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE
1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to
heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused,
you shoot him.
3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them.
4. Your husband chirps, "Hi honey, I'm home." And you reply, "Well, if it isn't
Ozzie Nelson."
5. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven's Gate Cult gives you four
hours of decent rest.
6. You change your underwear after every time you sneeze.
7. You're on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip
to Chippendales.
Chapter 3: SIGNS OF WEAR
1."OLD" IS WHEN ... Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and
you answer, "Pick one, I can't do both!"
2."OLD" IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and
you're barefoot.
3."OLD" IS WHEN ... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the
garage door.
4."OLD" IS WHEN ... Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
5."OLD" IS WHEN ... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you
don't have to go along.
6."OLD" IS WHEN ... you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by
the police.
7."OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any
fiber today.
8."OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
9."OLD" IS WHEN ... An "all-nighter" means not having to get up to pee.
|
