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It's once again time
to review the winners of the annual Stella awards.
The Stella's are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled coffee on
herself and successfully sued McDonalds. That case inspired the Stella Awards
for the most frivolous successful lawsuits in the United States. Unfortunately
the most recent lawsuit implicating McDonalds, the teens who allege that eating
at McDonalds has made them fat, was filed after the 2002 award voting was
closed. This suit will top the 2003 awards list without question.
5th place (Tied).
Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers
after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the
verdict, considering the misbehaving toddler was Ms Robertson's son.
5th place (Tied).
19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his
neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently did not
notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal the
hubcaps.
5th place (Tied).
Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just
finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to
go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He could not reenter
the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled
it shut. The family were on vacation and Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the
garage for 8 days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found and a large bag of
dry dog food. He sued the houseowner's insurance claiming the situation caused
him undue mental anguish. The Jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.
4th place.
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 andmedical expenses
after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle dog. The
beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard. The award was less than sought
because the jury felt the dog might have been a little provoked at the time as
Mr. Williams who had climbed over the fence into the yard was shooting it
repeatedly with a pellet gun.
3rd place.
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster,
Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx
(tailbone). The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson had thrown it at
her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
2nd place.
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware sued the owner of a Night Club in a
neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked
out two of her front teeth. This occurred whilst Ms. Walton was trying to crawl
through the window in the Ladies Room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge.
She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses.
1st Place.
This year's runaway winner was Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma.
Mr. Grazinski purchased a brand new Winnebago Motor Home. On his trip home from
an OU football game, having driven onto the Freeway. He set the cruise control
at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and make himself
a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the RV left the Freeway, crashed and
overturned. Mr. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him that in the
owner's manual that he could not actually do this. The jury awarded him
$1,750,000 plus a new Winnebago Motor Home. The company actually changed their
manuals on the basis of this suit just in case there were any other complete
morons buying their recreation vehicles.
GOD BLESS AMERICA
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