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Auto Emissions Testing and Human Obsolescence

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A  Futuristic Human Viability Testing Program Notification

 By Thomas Crane 

Our records indicate that you are required to be tested in order to determine if you are still able to function as a normal human being.  Please be informed that you will be tested according to whether or not you had an OBD (ON-Board Diagnostics) installed at the time of your birth.  The OBD was installed in order to determine if you are at the end stages of your productive life and whether or not your internal organs are functioning properly.  If such an OBD has been installed and you fail the test, you will then be required to partake in the standard treadmill test whereby your vital signs, including emissions, will be monitored and analyzed.

Should you fail the test, you will be given sufficient time to find a certified physician who will make whatever corrections are necessary in order to bring you into compliance for what is expected in order that you may continue to function as a normal human being.  When you appear for re-testing, you must bring your receipt with you indicating that you have visited a certified physician and that you have expended your allotted medical coverage.  Note: Herbal or other naturalistic remedies do not constitute an acceptable form of therapy.  After it has been determined that you have completed the necessary requirements and you still do not pass the test, you "may" qualify for a waiver.  A waiver consists of a one year extension on your life after which, you will be exterminated.

For those of you who have been determined to have reached the end stages of your life, you may wish to make a tax-free donation of your body to a charitable organization.  Your family will be able to write off the donation of your body from their taxes.  Should you decide to make this tax-free donation, your body may be used for medical study and/or certain organs that do not show signs of degeneration could be used for transplantation into another human being.  Certain members of our Government are exempt from this program and some have extended their life expectancy through use of the organ donation program as their longevity is vital to the operation of our society.

Compliance with these rules and regulations is mandatory.  Should you seek to avoid testing, an Officer of the State will be dispatched to your home and your "License To Live" will be revoked immediately.  You will then be given a lethal injection, and your remains will be sent to a proper disposal facility and made into fertilizer for our "Green Pastures Program."

The Human Viability Program is important to everybody.  One fourth of the aged and infirm have already been removed from our society.  This means that there is more room left for everyone else to breathe, and it meets with the air purification standards by removing malodorous smells that usually emanate from the aged and decrepit.  As everyone knows, this can have a direct impact on children as holding one's nose in the developmental stages usually causes for a stunting of the growth of the nose which in turn can lead to sinus problems at an older age.  In addition, by terminating the aged, we save on medical insurance and free up badly needed hospital space.  Lastly, and most importantly,  the program frees the youth of our Nation from caring for their aged parents who sometimes can prove to be a burden, therefore, the youth can go on to live unencumbered and joyous lives.  Blessed Be Our Brave New World!

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