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In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness
to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole
truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God.
She says I do.
She was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the grandmother type, well-spoken
and poised. The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs.
Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me.
You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind
their backs. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the sense to
realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing
shyster. Yes, I know you quite well."
The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few moments. Then, he
slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to
mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to
do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?
" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, big-mouthed and has a bad drinking problem. The man
can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with
three different women. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his chair,
looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps thundered throughout the court
room and the audience was on the verge of chaos.
At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both
counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said,
"If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be thrown in jail for
contempt. Is that clear?"
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