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Idiot
stories
Idiot # 1
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I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center.
Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter
eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there
would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she
gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her
that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.
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Idiot # 2
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Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting
it out of the plane and home.
When they took it for a float on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming
towards them surprised them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the
emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no
longer employed at Boeing.
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Idiot # 3
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A true story out of San Francisco: A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank
of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stickup. Put all
your muny in this bag."
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to
worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the
police before he reached the teller's window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After
waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She
read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he
would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to
Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few
minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at the Bank of America.
Idiot # 4
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A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that
measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later
received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
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Idiot # 5
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Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of
the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on
the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him
because he didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his
driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put
the Scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called
the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the
license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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Idiot # 6
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A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.
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Idiot # 7
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Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious.
Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was
caught on videotape.
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Idiot # 8
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Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun
and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open
the cash register without a food order.
When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for
breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
(Please note that these people are allowed to vote!)
(Not only that but they are allowed to reproduce!)
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