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Guess Who's Going to Dinner (as quoted in
Chuck Muth’s News and Views)
Rich Galen of Mullings.com is one of the sharpest tacks in the drawer and
one of our favorite writers. His level of healthy sarcasm is matched only
by the level of ridicule he heaps on the deserving. To wit, enjoy this
account of Rich's recent visit to a fancy "organic" restaurant.
"Once upon a time, valet parking was complimentary. At this restaurant the
compliment costs five bucks. I gave the guy my keys and told the woman at
the hostess desk that I wanted to pay for parking while I was waiting for my
group.
"She looked at me like I had grown a hand out of my forehead and told me, as
if I were someone who was about to order a hotdog with mayo, I could pay
when I was ready to leave. I said I wanted to leave when I was ready to
leave and preferred to pay now. It went downhill from there.
"While this transaction was being conducted, a couple walked in and said
they had a reservation and could they please sit in non-smoking.
"The hostess said, with an air of pomposity that working in the only
certified organic restaurant in America might well engender, that this was a
non-smoking restaurant because 'smoking and organic cooking don't go
together.'
"Which led to hearty laughter all around until I said - aloud - 'Tobacco is
an organic product,' causing them to look at me to see if I was kidding,
which I was not, leading to a hearty SILENCE all around.
"The hostess suggested I have a drink while I was waiting. I asked for a
glass of Merlot, but was told they had a 'Shiraz blend.' I have a palette
which is as sensitive as a blacksmith's anvil, so I said that would be fine.
"The woman brought the bottle to show it off. It was from France. I asked
if she had any wine from a different county. Like America. She rolled her
eyes and looked at me like I had grown a whole ARM out of my forehead.
"This was more-or-less the conversation which followed as I got up and left
the untouched glass of wine on the bar to wait outside for my group:
"Hostess: 'I'm French.'
"Me: 'Apology accepted. Now, do you have any other wines?'
"Hostess (even more haughtily): 'This is the only red wine we have for sale
by the glass.'
"Me: 'I just want to make the point that your definition of political
correctness appears to be as follows: It is fine for you to heap scorn upon
an important agricultural product of North Carolina, but you are offended by
my refusing to consume an agricultural product of France. Say, you ARE
French!'"
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