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An Open Letter to Alderman Dan Johnson from Terry Gray:

Well, Mr. Johnson, it seems that Lindy’s restaurant, you know the one to which you gave $100,000 of taxpayers money, has closed.  How did that deal work again, you “lend” these people $100,000 dollars of someone else’s money to open an American restaurant in the 6^th ward, because all the restaurants in the 6^th ward are ethnic?  Let’s see, the loan stipulates that if the “American restaurant” can stay in business for 5 years, then the money has to be paid back?  If the “American restaurant” goes out of business in less than 5 years, then the loan is forgiven?  Is that the way it was set up?

Where can I get one of these risk-free loans?  I could even use the old Lindy’s location and serve some real food.  Even better, I could serve real American food raised right here in town.  It would be easy to provide wholesome, inexpensive meals to all the Americans in the district.  First we issue 21^st District I.D.’s authenticated with an official “Rooster Seal” just to make sure that we are feeding only real Americans from the 21^st District.  Then, see, we can round up all the loud roosters and unleashed chickens and fry ‘em up for the folks.  Then we can go into residential areas where taxpaying citizens own property and seize their gardens under some ordinance that you enact.  Free veggies for the restaurant to go with the fowl that those fine 21^st District Americans will be beggin’ for.   Now we’re cooking, aren’t we?

Shucks, Mr. Johnson, I asked the people at Kentucky Fried Chicken, McDonalds, Hoops, Subway, Rally’s, The Kroger Deli, and Arby’s, and they all agree that a REAL American restaurant would be great.  The problem that they pointed out, though, is that unless a person opens a restaurant with the idea that he has something to lose as well as something to gain, he may not put forth his best effort.  They suggested saving my money and doing it without your help so that, should I not be successful, then it wouldn’t look bad on you.  I wonder why you didn’t think of that approach yourself?

In the world according to Johnson, a real American restaurant is still needed, since we lost the last one to the ugliness of free enterprise despite the $100,000 boost from the taxpayers.  Send me $100,000, and I’ll give you a restaurant where you and your family will be proud to be seen, more than once!  Then I’ll thank the good people of the 21^st District for their kind donation to my restaurant by giving them each $4.00 off their first feast.  That way, they’ll all be paid back, and America can once again sleep soundly at night.

TERRY GRAY

RABID CITIZEN

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