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> THE NIGHT BEFORE THANKSGIVING
(sent by Woody)
> Twas the night before Thanksgiving and all through the
kitchen;
> I was cooking and baking and moanin' and bitchin'.
> I've been here for hours, I can't stop to rest,
> This place is a disaster, just look at this mess!
> Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed,
> They expect all the trimmings...who cares what I need!
> My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs,
> The dog just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
> There's a knock at the door and the telephone's ringing;
> Frosting drips on the counter as the microwave's dinging.
> Two pies in the oven, dessert's almost done;
> My cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
> I've had all I can stand, I can't take anymore;
> Then walks in my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
> He heaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
> Then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
> He looks all around and with total regret,
> Says "What's takin' so long? Aren't you through in here yet??"
> As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
> He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
> He flees from the room in terror and pain,
> and screams "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE!!"
> Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
> Oh, shit, it's the pies!! They're burned all to hell!!
> I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
> But I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
> What else can go wrong?? Is there still more ahead??
> If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
> Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
> They just leave me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
> But I promise you one thing, If I live 'til next year,
> You won't find me pulling my hair out in here.
> I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
> And if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!
>
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