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Financial terminology updated:

CEO: chief embezzlement officer.

CFO: corporate fraud officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement
causing an investor to
mistake himself for a financial genius.

BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period
when the kids get no allowance, the wife
gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING --
The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO --
The percentage of investors wetting their
pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT --
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your
assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER --
A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION --
The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW --
The movement your money makes
as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO --
What you yell after selling it to
some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 --
What you jump out of when you're the sucker
who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR --
Past year investor who's now locked up in
a nut house.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
 

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