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Politics Explained in Terms of
Cows
DEMOCRAT:=
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being
successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows, forcing
you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then
take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel
righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell
both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a
gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the
other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on
the second one. You force the 2 cows to produce the milk of four cows. You
are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the
analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock
goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to
lunch. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on
unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow
school.
GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around,
you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count them and learn you have
five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have
42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting
cows and open another bottle of vodka. The Mafia shows up and takes over how
ever many cows you really have.
POLISH CORPORATION:
You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION:
You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking
one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't
figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state
tell you which is the best-looking one.
NEW YORK CORPORATION:
You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which one will be the
leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas
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