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How To Stay Stressed (from a bookmark distributed by De Anza College).
The De Anza Health Office has long been an advocate of stress management.
Nevertheless, stress, tension and burnout still afflict students, faculty, and
staff. On account of this, we have come to the following conclusion: YOU
WANT TO STAY STRESSED! The following provides you with a few reasons
why.
STRESS HELPS YOU SEEM IMPORTANT.
Anyone as stressed as you must be working very hard and therefore is probably
doing something very crucial.
IT HELPS YOU MAINTAIN PERSONAL DISTANCE AND AVOID INTIMACY.
Anyone as busy as you certainly can't be expected to form emotional attachments
to anyone. And let's face it, you're not much fun to be around anyway.
IT HELPS YOU AVOID RESPONSIBILITIES.
Obviously, you're too stressed to be given any more work. This gets you off the
hook for all the mundane chores; let someone else take care of them.
IT GIVES YOU A CHEMICAL RUSH.
Stress might be considered a cheap thrill, and you can give yourself a "hit"
anytime you choose. But be careful, you might get addicted to your own
adrenaline.
IT HELPS YOU AVOID SUCCESS.
Why risk being "successful" when by simply staying stressed you can avoid all of
that? Stress can keep your performance level low enough that success won't ever
be a threat.
IT LETS YOU KEEP YOUR AUTHORITARIAN MANAGEMENT STYLE.
The authoritarian style of "Just do what I say!" is generally permissi-ble under
crisis conditions. If you maintain a permanently stressed crisis atmosphere, you
can justify an authoritarian style all the time.
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Are you worried about how to stay stressed? You'll have no trouble if you
practice the following clinically proven methods:
NEVER EXERCISE.
Exercise wastes time that could be spent worrying.
EAT ANYTHING YOU WANT.
Hey, if cigarette smoke can't cleanse your system, a balanced diet isn't likely
to.
GAIN WEIGHT.
Work hard at staying at least 25 pounds over your recommended weight. Worry
about losing weight whether you need to or not.
TAKE PLENTY OF STIMULANTS.
The old standards of caffeine, nicotine, sugar, and cola will
continue to do the job just fine.
AVOID "WOO-WOO" PRACTICES.
Ignore the evidence suggesting that meditation, yoga, deep
breathing, and/or mental imaging help to reduce stress. The
Protestant work ethic is good for everyone, Protestant or not.
GET RID OF YOUR SOCIAL SUPPORT SYSTEM.
Let the few friends who are willing to tolerate you know that
concern yourself with friendships only if you have time, and you
never have time. If a few people persist in trying to be your friend, avoid
them.
PERSONALIZE ALL CRITICISM.
Anyone who criticizes any aspect of your work, family, dog, house or car is
mounting a personal attack. Don't take time to
listen! Be offended and return the attack!
THROW OUT YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR.
Staying stressed is no laughing matter, and it shouldn't be treated as one.
MALES AND FEMALES ALIKE - BE MACHO.
Never ever ask for help, and if you want it done right, do it yourself!
BECOME A WORKAHOLIC.
Put work before everything else, and be sure to take work home evenings and
weekends. Keep reminding yourself that vacations are for sissies.
DISCARD GOOD TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS.
Schedule in more activities every day than you can possibly get done and then
worry about it all whenever you get a chance.
PROCRASTINATE.
Putting things off to the last second always produces a marvelous amount of
stress.
WORRY ABOUT THINGS YOU CAN'T CONTROL.
Worry about the stock market, earthquakes, the approching Ice
Age... you know, all the big issues.
BECOME A PERFECTIONIST AND SET IMPOSSIBLY HIGH STANDARDS.
Beat yourself up and feel guilty, depressed, discouraged and inadequate
when you don't meet them."
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