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BUMPER STICKERS
>From the late Bob Talbert of the Detroit Free Press comes these bumper stickers
spotted in the area:
"My Kids Drive Me Crazy, I Drive Them Everywhere Else"
"I Didn't Claw My Way to the Top of the Food Chain to Eat Vegetables"
"If You Can't See My Mirrors, I Can't See You"
"Jesus is Coming--everybody look busy"
"Horn Broken--Watch for Finger"
"Hang up and Drive!"
"I said, 'No,' to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen"
"Friends don't let friends drive naked"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Nixon in 2000--he's not as stiff as Gore"
And some more from Maxim Magazine:
"Very Funny Scotty, Now Beam down My Pants"
"You! Out of the Gene Pool"
"Keep Honkin', I'm Reloading"
"Dyslexics have more fnu"
"Clones are People Two"
"Entropy Isn't What it Used to Be"
"Microbiology Lab: Staph Only"
"Santa's Elves are just a Bunch of Subordinate Clauses"
"Air Pollution is a Mist-demeanor"
"Atheism is a nonprophet organization"
And some more from the Clinton scandal:
"HONK! If you had sex with the President"
"One More Whore And We Get Gore"
"Bill Clinton: Commander in Heat"
"My President Fooled Around With Your Honor Student"
"Jail to the Chief"
"Today Kids No Longer Play Doctor, They Play President"
"If his private life doesn't matter, let him date your daughter"
"Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings."
"Jack Kevorkian for White House physician."
"Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!"
And a bunch more from our viewers:
"99% of Lawyers Give the Other 1% a Bad Name"
"The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette."
"If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast."
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it."
"If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic."
"We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be Assimilated."
"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
"Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them."
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
"There's too much blood in my alcohol system."
"I used to have a handle on life, but it broke."
"WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship."
"You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me."
"BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore."
"I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made."
"So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!"
"I need someone really bad..are you really bad?"
"Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder."
"To all you virgins, thanks for nothing."
"All men are idiots...I married their king."
"The more you complain, the longer God lets you live."
"My kid had sex with your honor student."
"Help wanted telepathy; you know where to apply."
"Jesus loves you...Everyone else thinks you're an asshole."
"I'm just driving this way to piss you off."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools."
"Born again pagan."
"God must love stupid people, he made so many."
" The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"There's too much youth, how about a fountain of smart."
"When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS"
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"Where there's a will, I want to be in it!"
" Forget about World Peace....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"
" Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies."
" Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"I(nternal) R(evenue) S(ervice): We've got what it takes to take what you've
got."
"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now."
" Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs."
"Out of my mind....Back in five minutes."
"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather....Not screaming and
yelling like the passengers in his car."
"NEBRASKA: At least the cows are sane."
"Your kid may be an Honor Student, but YOU'RE still an idiot."
"Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"Don't drink and drive....You might hit a bump and spill your drink."
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else."
"HONK ...If You Want To See My Finger Who lit the fuse on your tampon?"
"Support Cannibalism - EAT ME!
"God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier."
"I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit."
"Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!"
"Who were the testers for Preparations A through G?"
"Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change."
"5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park."
"EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later."
"If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people."
"If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you."
"Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes."
"My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that."
"Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!"
"Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive."
"If we are what we eat, I'm cheap, fast, and easy."
"PETA: People Eating Tasty Animals"
And these from viewer, Rob Conti:
"Save the trees...wipe your ass with an owl."
"Never raise your hand to your kids, it leaves your groin unprotected."
"Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70 mph."
"Axe me about Ebonics."
"Guys: No shirt, no service. Gals: No shirt, no charge."
"Boldly going nowhere."
"Cat: the other white meat."
"Don't be sexist, broads hate that."
"If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you."
"WARNING: Driver only carries $20 in ammunition."
"If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now."
"Drugs don't kill people. NFL players do."
Bumper Stickers for Ladies
"So Many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me."
"God Made Us Sisters, Prozac Made Us Friends."
"Coffee, Chocolate, Men ... Some Things Are Just Better Rich."
"Don't Treat Me Any Differently Than You Would The Queen."
"I'm Out Of Estrogen And I Have A Gun. "
"Warning: I Have An Attitude And I Know How To Use It. "
"Of Course I Don't Look Busy...I Did It Right The First Time."
"All Stressed Out And No One To Choke."
"I Can Be One Of Those Bad Things That Happens Ens To Bad People."
"How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?"
"Don't Upset Me! I'm Running Out Of Places To Hide The Bodies."
"And One of the Best!"
"If You Want Breakfast In Bed, Sleep In The Kitchen."
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