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ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a
husband
A man never worries about the future until he gets a
wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend. A
successful woman is one who can find such a man.
HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
and love him a
little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a
lot and not try to
understand her at all.
LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men, but married men
are a lot more
willing to die.
MEMORY
Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no
use in two people
remembering the same thing.
APPEARANCE
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he
doesn't. A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she
does.
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a
man says after
that is the beginning of a new argument.
COMPREHENSION
There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman
- before
marriage and after marriage.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING
MARRIED:
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me
in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next." They
stopped after I started doing
the same thing to them at funerals.
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