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Notice How The Maniacs Are Sending Anthrax To The Egomaniacs ?

By Randy Barker

You really have to hand it to Usama bin Laden, or whoever is responsible for this anthrax direct mail campaign. It's diabolically effective. And it shows
that someone is a great judge of character. If you wanted to get the best
bang for your bio-terrorism buck, what better mailing list could you conjure
up to broadcast fear than one containing a bunch of egomaniacal broadcast journalists like Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw and Peter Jennings? What better print
media could you target than a sensational supermarket tabloid like The National Enquirer? And what more self-centered, self-important group of camera-seeking blowhards could you possibly get to exacerbate the panic than members of Congress like Senator Tom "Braveheart" Daschle and Representative Denny "Chicken Little" Hastert ?

This is a Machiavellian masterpiece. With Rather, Brokaw and Jennings, Mr. Bin Laden (as The New York Times respectively calls him) has three posturing prima donnas ready to run to a press conference at the drop of a rating point to prove how calm and cool (almost Rudy Giuliani or George Bush-like) they
are in this continuing crisis. And no doubt at some point at least one of them will ask the question liberals want answered: "What has our evil American capitalist system done to make these poor misunderstood militant Muslim victims so justifiably angry that they would send us deadly anthrax ?

Plus, with supermarket tabloid The National Enquirer, you have journalists
who regularly make front page news out of laughable lies. Image how long they
will play up a sensational truth to America's largest target audience, people who eat.

 And with our U.S. Senators and Representatives, Usama can be sure that they will get the word out that "The only thing we have to fear is… anthrax itself, for the moment at least. Meanwhile, we're going to recess."

But all this brings up questions.  Why are only liberal media outlets being targeted ?  Is it because even Usama has realized there really aren't any national conservative media outlets? Will the one "fair and balanced" network, Fox News, feel left out, not important enough to be targeted, and for that reason send anthrax to itself?  Will politicians do the same to give themselves a chance for greatness, like the one that liberals lament Clinton just missed by 9 months? Will militant Muslims send phony anthrax to CNN so people won't ask why only the deliberately Un-American CNN gets to ask bin Laden questions?

 And finally, one wonders  if there is any Cipro ® , the antibiotic of choice for anthrax, stocked in the al-Qaida's caves in Afghanistan ?  If not, maybe we should introduce Usama to an American postal concept: Return To Sender.

Excerpt From NotSO SERIOUS MONEY,
a weekly online financial newsletter written by randybarker@aol.com