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IF ONLY.......


"We at Carnival Cruise Lines didn't forget that a lot of entertainers had promised to leave the country if George W. Bush became President. With that in mind, we have a Special Offer for those who want to keep their promise!

Attention: Would Alec Baldwin, Rosie O'Donnell, Cher, Phil Donahue, David
Gephin, Barbara Streisand, Pierre Salinger, and anyone else who made that
promise, please dispose of all US assets and report to Florida for the sailing of the Funship Cruise, "Elation," which has been commissioned to take you to your new vacation homes in Afghanistan. You may opt to be dropped off in Somalia or Iraq. The Florida Supreme Court will sponsor a Farewell Parade in your honor through Palm Beach, Broward, and Miami-Dade counties prior to your cruise.

Please pack for an extended stay...at least four years and you should consider the possibility of eight years. Note: Since you advocate strict gun control, you many not bring any.

Staffing your voyage is Bill Clinton as captain, Al Gore as cruise director, Monica Lewinsky as recreation director, Ted Kennedy as lifeguard and emergency procedures director, Rev. Jesse Jackson as spiritual advisor and
marriage counselor, and Congressman Gary Condit as intern coordinator.

If you've any questions about making arrangements for your homes, friends and loved ones, please direct your comments to Senator Hillary Clinton. Her
village can raise your children while you're gone, and she can watch over all your money and your furnishings until you return.

Bon Voyage!"