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You know you need a new
lawyer when -
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
During your initial
consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
He tells you that his
last good case was a "Budweiser."
He picks the jury by
playing "duck-duck-goose."
During the trial you
catch him playing his Gameboy.
He asks a hostile witness
to "pull my finger."
Every couple of minutes
he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to
drink a shot.
He frequently gives juror
No. 4 the finger.
He places a large
"No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
Just before he says
"Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air
with his fingers.
Whenever his objection is
overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
He giggles every time he
hears the word "briefs."
He begins closing
arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said..."
He keeps citing the legal
case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
Just before trial starts
he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer,
right?"
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