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DOCTOR STORIES
A man comes into the ER and yells,
“My wife is going to have her baby in the cab!” I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady’s dress, and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly, I noticed that there are several cabs and I was in the
wrong one.
At the beginning of my shift, I
placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s
anterior chest wall. “Big
breaths,” I instructed. “Yes,
they used to be,” the patent said sadly.
One day I had to be the bearer of
bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct. Not more
than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family
that he had died of a “massive internal fart.”
I was performing a complete
physical, including the visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, “Cover
your right eye with your hand.” He
read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Now
your left.” Again, a
flawless read. “Now
both,” I requested. There
was silence. He couldn’t even read the large E on the top line.
I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked.
He was standing there with both his eyes covered.
I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
During a patient’s two week
follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that
he was having trouble with one of his medications.
“Which one?”, asked the doctor.
“The patch. The
nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running
out of places to put it!” The
doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn’t
see; the man had over fifty patches on his body.
Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one. And you always wondered why instructions always seemed to
state the obvious!
I was caring for a woman from
Kentucky and asked, “So how’s your breakfast this morning?”
“It’s very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
I can’t seem to get used to the taste,” the patient replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled “KY Jelly.”
SOME DEEP THOUGHTS
Did you ever notice when you blow
in a dog’s face , it gets mad at you, but when you take the dog in a
car, it sticks its head out the window?
If you think nobody cares, try
missing a couple of payments!
Why is it that if someone tells you
that there are 1 billion stars in the universe, you will believe them, but
if they tell you a wall has wet paint on it, you will have to touch it to
be sure!
Ever wonder about those people who
spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water?
Try spelling EVIAN backwards: NAIVE.
There are three religious truths:
1. Jews do not recognize
Jesus as the Messiah. 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith. 3.
Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at
Hooters.
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