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It Would Certainly Make Us Toss OUR Cookies
"Call it the protest diet: Al Sharpton is going on a hunger strike.
'I am not
going to eat until we are released,' the rotund rabble-rouser, in jail for
trespassing during a protest of the Navy's bombing exercises at Vieques,
Puerto Rico, tells the New York Times. Yesterday Sharpton got a
jailhouse
visit from his senator, Hillary Clinton. The New York Daily News quotes
Sharpton's lawyer, Sanford Rubenstein, as saying that Hillary told
Sharpton,
'I was concerned about you,' and gave him, in the News's words, 'a big
hug.'
Gee, maybe he just lost his appetite."
- Best of the Web, 5/29/01
***************************
And the Search Continues
"I'm still looking for that book in the library 'Great Moderates in
American
History.' There are none."
- Rush Limbaugh, 5/30/01
***************************
Time to Change Horses In Midstream
"In a perfect world, senators James Jeffords and Trent Lott would be
on a
one-way flight to Papua New Guinea right now, each with a copy of the 'Donner
Party Cook Book' duct-taped to his chest. … While Jeffords deserves to
have hot scorn poured on him from eight miles high, he also merits a tiny
drop of
grudging respect for holding the long end of this stick. … Gripping the
short
end of this stick is -- who else? -- Trent Lott. The difference between
Jeffords and Lott parallels the distinction between a 'schlemiel' and a
'schlamozzle'. In Yiddish, a 'schlemiel' is one who spills a bowl of soup
on
another, while a 'schlamozzle' is the person on whom the soup is spilled.
" ...Institutional hygiene demands that Lott, finally, be ousted and
replaced
with someone with the toughness and principle required to hold the GOP
caucus together, advance its cause and expand its numbers. Oklahoma's Don
Nickles is the most ideologically sound prospect, though he doesn't quite
seem made of steel. Tennessee's Fred Thompson and Nebraska's Chuck Hagel
are both telegenic free-marketeers who seem capable, if necessary, of
dining on nine-inch nails. Columnist Robert Novak describes Idaho's Larry
Craig as a solid conservative who gets along well with Republican wets. In
the real world, that ain't bad.
"Time and time again, Trent Lott either has left the ball on the
field, fumbled it or simply handed it, ribbon-wrapped, to Democrats. The
Jeffords fiasco must be his last error. The Senate Republican caucus
should strike an immediate blow for the Bush agenda, the future of
free-market ideas and the timeless concept of accountability by demoting
Trent Lott to junior senator from the state of Mississippi."
- Columnist Deroy Murdock, 5/29/01
****************************
White Man's Disease
"I'm going to play basketball for the Sixers.
"You doubt me? Hah! They have to sign me, thanks to my new hero,
Casey
Martin. He can't walk the course like all the other golfers because of his
bum leg, so he asked the PGA for a golf cart. But the PGA told him to walk
18
holes like everyone else or take a hike.
"So Martin did what every American does nowadays when they can't get
their way: he sued. Martin's argument was simple: he can swing a golf club
and make shots as good as other PGA golfers, and that's all that matters.
The rest of the game - the walking, the sun, the rain - are all unfair. He
accused the
PGA of discrimination citing the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA).
The Supremes agreed. Now, Casey can zip around in a golf cart, while all
the
other players must walk.
"Hooray!!! How does that get me an NBA contract? Simple. I also
have a
disability. Millions suffer from this debilitating illness that often goes
undiagnosed, revealing itself at embarrassing moments. My
disability? White Man's Disease.
“Sufferers of White Man's Disease understand the pain. We cannot run. We
cannot jump. All the brothers out there know exactly what I'm talking
about,
too. Nothing is sadder than watching nine black men careening down a
basketball court, slam-dunking and high-flying, followed by some old white
guy chugging along 20 yards behind.
"But White Man's Disease does not prevent shooting the ball. And here
is
where I'll win. You see, I can shoot the rock as good as many NBA players.
Maybe better. No lie! I got a killer 20-foot jump shot. I shoot foul shots
better than half the NBA. And anyone can shoot a lay-up.
"But White Man's Disease prevents me from making those shots, because
I
cannot escape the quicker, taller, or better leapers guarding me. And
that's
unfair. According to the Supreme Court, making the shot is what counts,
right? It is clear the NBA is discriminating against me because of my
disease. If they won't make special accommodations, I'm gonna sue...
"I demand a level playing field! From now on, every NBA player who
jumps
higher than me must wear bricks in his shorts. Faster players have to wear
old loafers instead of sneakers. I want a shorter court, because I get
tired
easier. It's only fair. And I demand my own personal 8-foot basket. Then I
can dunk like Shaq.
" … I salute Casey Martin for leading us to a higher plane of
athletic
triumph, winning the modern way: suing for victory. No more performance
diets
or weight lifting. Just pass a law and get a good attorney, and any
athletic
goal is within reach. So forget Kobe's helicopter windmill dunks,
and forget
Mutombo's wingspan defense. I'm gonna make millions in the NBA. Watch out,
Allen Iverson. I got game, baby... you want summa diss???"
- Tom "White Men Can't Jump" Adkins, "The Common
Conservative," 5/30/01
***************************
Zero-Tolerance Stupidity a Gov't Creation (Surprise)
"An estimated 14,000 U.S. school districts have adopted
zero-tolerance (for weapons) policies. They came into vogue in the
early 1990's and peaked
around 1995, a year after Congress passed the Gun-Free Schools Act.
That
legislation required states to adopt such laws or risk losing federal
funds."
- Washington Times Weekly, 5/27/01
***************************
Tales From the Left Side
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***************************
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Contact the White House by calling: (202) 456-1414
***************************
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COMING EVENTS
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* Campaigns & Elections magazine's 18th Annual National Campaign
Training Seminar and Trade Show at the Washington Marriott Hotel in
Washington, DC on June 1-3. This is THE annual confab for the
professional political consulting industry. $395 per person.
For more information go to:
http://www.campaignline.com or
call Alan Locke at (800) 888-5767, extension 2.
* 2nd Annual Western Conservative Conference at the Hacienda Hotel
in Los Angeles, CA, June 8-10. $110 per person. Special tour
of the Reagan Museum included. For additional information, call
(800) 498-2270.
* 2001 Chicago Conservative Conference at the Chicago Hilton &
Towers on June 9, 2001 from 7:30 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. Conference
packages range from $35-99 per person. For additional information,
go to:
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* Campaign Management School. Best in the nation.
Leadership Institute in
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manuals, meals and overnight dormitory accommodations (subject to
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http://www.leadershipinstitute.org.
* Young Republican National Convention: June 13-17, 2001 at
the Hyatt Regency in New Orleans (just 12 blocks from the world-famous
French Quarter). $165 per person after May 15. For additional
information or to register, go to: http://www.yrnc2001.com/convention.htm
... or send e-mail to:
yrnc2001@pelicanpolitics.com.
* National Taxpayers Conference 2001. Organized By National
Taxpayers Union Foundation Friday & Saturday June 15th & 16th,
2001 Radisson Hotel & Suites,
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* 2001 College Republican National Convention. June 29 - July
1, 2001.
Capital Hilton in Washington, D.C. $125 before June 1 ... $200 after
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To register, call 888-765-3564. For agenda and additional
information, go
to: http://www.crnc.org/Convention/conven
tion.htm
* RNC Summer Meeting: July 19-21 at the Boston Park Plaza in
Massachusetts. Special room rate of $169 per night. For
reservations, call (800) 225-2008. For additional details, contact
the Republican National Committee at (202) 863-8630.
* 2001 Midwest Republican Leadership Conference: July 27-29 at
the
Minneapolis Convention Center in Minnesota. Registration fee:
$199 per
person. For additional information, contact (651) 222-0416 or
bmv@midwestleadership.org.
Or visit the conference web site at:
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* Education Leaders Council's 6th annual conference Sept. 28-29 in
Atlanta, GA. Speakers include Education Secretary Rod Paige, House
Education Committee Chairman John Boehner (R-OH), Rep. Johnny Isakson
(R-GA), Florida Lt. Gov. Frank T. Brogan, nationally-known reformers
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or call
1-800-521-2118.
* 2001 Western States Republican Leadership Conference:
October 4-7 at the Resort at the Mountain in the Mt. Hood National Forest.
$250 per person
($350 after August 1). For details, contact the Oregon Republican
Party at
(503) 587-9233 or go to their web site at: www.orgop.com.
******************************
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****************************
Published by:
Chuck Muth, Editor
3659 Scotwood Street
Las Vegas, NV 89121
Phone: (702) 454-0350
Fax: (702) 454-7798
E-mail: charmuth@aol.com
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