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HOW TO AVOID BEING SHOT BY A COP

"I've devised a five-point plan to help citizens avoid being shot by police.
This plan may not prevent all shootings, but very few will take place when
the plan is rigorously adhered to. So, here are the rules:

Rule # 1

DON'T COMMIT VIOLENT CRIMES. It seems elementary, but this rule is lost on many folks. They do the crime, get shot, and then wonder how it could have possibly happened to them? They whine that it is so unfair. Well, Slick, violent crime, like jumping in front of moving cars, is just a high-risk occupation, and, in case you missed it, committing violent crime makes
police officers think you might not be a good person.

Rule # 2

If you ignore rule No.1, and the police confront you, DON'T RUN AWAY FROM THEM. I know it's hard to believe, but that may make them think you're guilty of something. Hiding in bushes or closets makes some cops (mostly older ones) very nervous. They might even foolishly conclude that you're up to no good!

Rule # 3

If you disregard rules 1 and 2, and the cops catch up with you anyway and
inform you that you are under arrest, DON'T MAKE FAST MOVEMENTS WITH YOUR HANDS. I know it sounds silly, but grabbing a shiny beer can, a dark-colored wallet, or one of those snazzy and real-looking replica guns
may make police officers mistakenly believe that you are about to hurt them.


Rule # 4

If you disregard rules 1, 2, and 3, and manage to get what looks like a
deadly weapon into your hands, DON'T POINT IT AT THE COPS. We all know that you're basically a nice person, but that may be lost on the police officers confronting you. In their paranoia, they may even believe they need to protect themselves.

Rule # 5

If you disregard rules 1, 2, 3, and 4, DON'T BE ASTONISHED IF THE COPS DO NOT INSTANTLY TURN INTO YOUR PERSONAL CONFIDANT. They may be too preoccupied to realize that you're normally a splendid person and that you're just having a bad day. They may be too preoccupied to see that when you point a weapon at them in a threatening manner, it is just your way of crying out for help. We both know that the whole problem can be traced to the fact that your mother didn't breast feed you, but some police officers are so cynical they just don't see it.

So, there you have it. If you really apply yourself and obey even some of
the rules listed above, I bet you'll avoid the vast majority of police
gunfire."

Cheri Lewis
Deputy District Attorney
Los Angeles, California