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If China Can Demand An Apology, I Demand An Apology.
Regrets Just Won't Do.
by Randy Barker

I think I deserve an apology. And so do you. Several apologies, in fact.

First of all, I want an apology from Alan Greenspan, the incompetent pilot of our economy who, like the Chinese hot dog Wong Wei, veered the wrong way and ran us into a stock market crash. Greenspan has expressed de facto regret for his irrational behavior by reducing interest rates 1 ½ %, but that just erases his 1 ½ year-long mistake. He needs to do more, and quickly. Plus, a price has to be paid for destroying the net worth of the American people, down annually for the first time last year. Greenspan's actions and inactions have stolen trillions of dollars from American investors. If grand larceny is measured in thousands, what would the crime Greenspan has committed be called? With all the capital lost, it would have to be a capital offense.

As James Stack of InvesTech Research was quoted in Barron's, "Another misstep or two from here and Alan Greenspan could be reviled as one of the most incompetent Chairman in Federal Reserve history."

We also should demand an apology from Tom Daschle, the 5'6" Senator from South Dakota, who made deals with turncoat liberal Republicans to spitefully make sure George Bush came up short of his $1.6 trillion tax cut target. The $400 billion shortfall will no doubt help Daschle's short-guy, Napoleonic complex (Napoleon was 5'5"), but it comes at the expense of tax-paying Americans who will get less relief at a time when they and the economy deserve more.

The amazing thing is the makeup of the unholy alliance that helped Daschle oppose the tax cut. Among the usual liberal organizations, several church groups lent a hand and money. Among these were The National Council of Churches, The Presbyterian Church USA, United Church of Christ and United Methodist Church, General Board of Church & Society. That's unholy. What about the separation of church and the liberal state? Do Presbyterians and Methodists know where their money is going?

What should happen here? I think that after an appropriate period of kow towing apologies, Greenspan should be lend-leased to China as permanent financial advisor where he, with any luck, could screw up their economy instead of ours. Sort of a reverse Manchurian Candidate who is an economist. In his place, we could easily program a computer that would automatically adjust interest rates with no ego or human error involved. After all, we didn't even have a Federal Reserve in this country until 1913.

As for Daschle, whose honorary Dakota Sioux name is Sits On Pillow To Make Himself Seem Tall As Dick Gephardt, I think he should be given something to forget his feelings of inadequacy and encourage him to more accurately represent his home state, which gave Dubya an overwhelming win last November. Elevator shoes might do it.

Excerpt from NotSo SERIOUS MONEY,
a weekly e-mail financial newsletter
written by randybarker@aol.com