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To Heck With Foot And Mouth!
Go After The Hand To Mouth Carriers!

by Randy Barker

Much ado has been made of the prospect of Foot and Mouth Disease invading our shores from Europe. But it's a disease you may know little about. For your information, this viral ailment used to be called the more politically-incorrect Hoof and Mouth Disease before the Cloven-Footed Lobby, led by a group of PETA people dressed as cows of color, protested the word "hoof" as being just as discriminatory as the word "minority". {Sounds plausible, doesn't it?} But whatever you call it, it hasn't been in the U.S. since 1929, which is a spooky coincidence when you consider what's been happening to the stock market. Fortunately, all the animals tested to date, including those unfortunate hogs in North Carolina, have tested negative.

That's why this slaughter of innocent pigs, cows and sheep, and the examination of their brains should stop. Instead of the focus being on livestock, it should be placed on dead stock and the outbreak of the impoverishing Hand To Mouth Disease caused by the downturn in the Market. This is an epidemic that effects the living standards of all Americans, including vegetarians, to whom hoof and mouth means nothing.

What can we do about this? Go to the source of the Hand To Mouth problem, of course. And that means the carriers of this plague, Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan and Every Liberal in the U.S. Senate and House of Representatives, including the liberal New England Republicans. These people need to be quarantined immediately, shipped off to Iowa like those Maine sheep were, and kept there until they can get their heads examined.

Only when we have Liberals isolated and incarcerated in a Republican Country corral do we have a hope of electric cattle prodding them into realizing the need for major tax relief for workers like those in Iowa abattoirs, the need for capital gains relief for the investors in the abattoir, and death tax relief for family farms who raise the animals who normally inhabit the Liberals' BS-laden lot.

And only when the Bull-killing Greenspan is given a taste of his own medicine will he feel investor's pain and ax interest rates in a more timely manner. Greenspan definitely needs encouragement, for as Don Hays of Hays Advisory says in Barron's "If you look at Greenspan's record in the past, he has never, ever, ever called the economy right, and never called inflation right."

This incarceration, of course, would have the secondary benefit of stopping
Congress from wasting time passing unconstitutional laws such as the
McCain-Feingold Incumbent Protection/ More Liberal Media Importance/McCain Ego Act instead of passing measures to get the capital economy going again. Or enforcing existing campaign laws that should have prevented Clinton from taking money from Communist China.

Will Bush quarantine the Hand To Mouth carriers? We can only hope. Eliminating Liberal thought contamination before it spreads and infects further would certainly help the stock market, as it would society in general. But alas, I fear the compassionate part of Bush's conservatism will rear its ugly head.

No, Bush doing the right thing is about as likely as Ashley Judd's new
movie, Someone Like You winning an Oscar. This movie is so bad that not even Ashley doing cheers for the Paul G. Blazer High School Tomcats in purple bikini panties can save it. And whoever came up with the movie's incredibly stupid premise of "new cow/old cow" must be suffering from the bovine virus, Mad Cow.

Excerpt from NotSo SERIOUS MONEY,
a weekly e-mail financial newsletter
written by randybarker@aol.com