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"How Cold Is It?"

Degrees (Fahrenheit)

* 65F Hawaiians declare a two-blanket night
* 60F Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
* 50F Miami residents turn on the heat
* 45F Vermont residents go to outdoor concerts
* 40F You can see your breath Californians shiver uncontrollably
Minnesotans go swimming
* 35F Italian cars don't start
* 32F Water freezes
* 30F You plan your vacation to Australia
* 25F Ohio water freezes
Californians weep pitiably
Minnesotans eat ice cream
Canadians go swimming
* 20F Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
New York City water freezes
Miami residents plan vacation further South
* 15F French cars don't start
Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
* 10F You need jumper cables to get the car going
* 5F American cars don't start
* 0F Alaskans put on T-shirts
* -10 German cars don't start
Eyes freeze shut when you blink
* -15 You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
Miami residents cease to exist
* -20 Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
Politicians actually do something about the homeless
Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
Japanese cars don't start
* -25 Too cold to think
You need jumper cables to get the driver going
* -30 You plan a two week hot bath
Swedish cars don't start
* -40 Californians disappear
Minnesotans button top button
Canadians put on sweaters
Your car helps you plan your trip South
* -50 Congressional hot air freezes
Alaskans close the bathroom window
* -80 Hell freezes over
Polar bears move South
Viking Fans order hot cocoa at the game
* -90 Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets