Comebacks from cops
These are comments allegedly made by police officers, taken from police car videos.
• “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”
• “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
• “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
• “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
• “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”
• “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
• “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. I’m the shift supervisor.”
• “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
• “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
• “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat corn dogs and cotton candy and step in monkey poop.”
• “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
• “In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.”
• “How big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”
• “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
• “I’m glad to hear that the Chief of Police is a personal friend of yours so you know someone who can post your bail.”
• “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”
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